Read this Article if You Want to Start Your Own Business

Are your considering a move into self-employment? Do you wish to add a small business of your own into your American Dream? Have you been looking around at various business opportunities and businesses that you might see yourself doing? Have you been slowing refining your options down and have now got the list down to a dozen or so possible businesses that you would enjoy doing?

You would be surprised how many people this time of year begin to think about their future in this way. You have probably also heard of the risks of owning your own business as it is not as easy as it looks. Often you will work longer hours with no guarantees of a paycheck. In fact you the failure rate in this nation for small businesses is quite high and the deck is tacked against you. The laws whereas they pretend to be pro-small business are actually there as barriers to entry. Additionally once you quit your job you maybe interested to know that you that you may not have benefits, health care insurance or that very steady and helpful paycheck. I would like you to think about this a little. Owning your own business is hard work and there are many more failures than winners. If you do decide to go for it, then you need to go all the way and work your ass off. Be sure you understand that.

Lance Winslow

An Entrepreneur Article For Serious Contenders

There are hopers and dreamers then there are entrepreneurs. To really understand how a genuine entrepreneur makes money you need to study the difference between these two groups and why hopers and dreamers fall by the way side, while the real thing go's from strength to strength.

"For the lack of a horse shoe, a kingdom was lost" Knowing what to look for is the mark of an experienced entrepreneur, however without experience you become at risk of simply running around in circles with nothing to show for it. For example the romantic "inventor entrepreneur wannabe" This type of hoper believes success lies in the power of one idea. They have bought into the romantic notion that all a man needs is one good idea and the world will beat a path to your door. The world is full of failed inventor entrepreneurs. They spend most of their time dreaming of building the perfect mouse trap. One that all the world will want. They spend precious seed capital and even more precious time in their spare hours (usually after their day job) building and testing prototypes. They usually enjoy it and consider it recreation. A hobby. The danger comes when they get bored with tinkering and begin to believe they have achieved their goal so they begin to look for seed capital and that's when they start to spend money on their invention. They give it to all kinds of submission services and marketing experts who all prey on this type of entrepreneur. If these experts really believed the inventors prototype was so good, they would spend their own money not ask for payment. However, this is not the case, instead they tell the inventor how wonderful the new invention is and continue to charge by the hour.

Remember the lessons of the past. When Edison invented the light bulb, it is true he tried thousands of time before he realized he should extract the oxygen from the globe to form a vacuum so the filament didn't burn out in a sudden flair. In this vacuum the tungsten filament glowed for hours. But here's the real lesson Edison learned. Such a wonderful and innovative idea STILL had to be sold to the world and that was the job of entrepreneurs.
Tip! Trusting automated article distribution software programs. There are a lot of software programs promising a solution to the rather tedious requirement of having to submit your articles to many directories.

The world is full of brilliant ideas created by failed invention entrepreneurs. Everything from motors that run on air to water powered generators. The list is extensive but we never hear of these marvelous inventions because people need to be "sold" on using them.

The difference between the dreamer and the entrepreneur is that an entrepreneur makes money. Ideas mean nothing to them, even though they are very creative, they maintain a focus on the end result, which is a profit.

Successful entrepreneurs are deal makers, naturally because that's where the money resides. They take needs, command value and exchange for profit. Then they are on to the next project.
Tip! Avoid referring to an affiliate website. Your article will appear biased, and you will appear as though you know nothing about your topic.

Martin Thomas (c)2005

Martin is a professional investor and Entrepreneur. If you would like to discover more about being an entrepreneur, you can read "The Million Dollar Mentor" by Hayden Muller. Martin recommends this work highly and has used the very concepts contained in the work for his own successful entrepreneurial activities. http://www.opportunity-investor.com

Read This Article if You Are Afraid of Losing Your Job

Due to over regulation, excessive lawsuits, and poor work ethic in the United States many companies are changing the way they do business. Some are considering doing business thru subsidiaries with the corporate headquarters over seas somewhere. Others are considering merging with an over seas company or outsourcing most of their operations off shore in other nations with less regulation. Some companies are considering going private.

The worst new trend we see is companies laying off their workforce and going robotic. They feel this is necessary because there are too many regulations from OSHA to employment law. Too many lawsuits for hiring procedures, sexual misconduct and pay issues are also another complaint. There are lawsuits over under funded pensions, health care insurance, 401K programs, benefits, overtime, holidays, vacation time or because the person is gay, straight, black, white, gray, purple or pink? You know this is a real problem in America. Then there is the issues of workers not actually working hard or trying or performing, some refuse to show up on time, always using the Unions to shield them from being reprimanded, some executives say it is pure extortion, even as the Unions claim the execs are over paid and ripping of the company blind.

Well whatever the reasons are and we have already identified a few, it makes the case for companies in many industries to go fully automated and robotic. Some robots now are even being programmed to make decisions to replace the executives. So no one is safe. In other words if you really are scared you might lose your job, well that is one fear which is absolutely justified, think on all this.
Tip! You write an article about your topic of expertise. Or you use a section from your e-book and turn it into an article.

Lance Winslow

Read This Article If You Just Really Want to Run Away

Remember the Run-Away Bride? Do you ever feel like that sometimes? Many people cannot believe that she ran away like that, yet deep inside you understand why don't you? In fact the fight or flight response is a human mechanism, which is an innate characteristic of mankind. It runs deep in the primitive part of the Homo Sapien Brain.

Some believe that this mechanism is why the human species rose above other species and took the dominant role as top of the food chain for land surface mammals. Indeed, if you feel like you just really want to run away sometimes you are not alone and that thought runs deep in all people, regardless of nationality, culture, race, age or region of the world one lives.

If you think back in some of the problems that plagued out early ancestors you can see that those who ran away, lived to fight another day. And another way to say this is to observe that those who avoided being killed by an invading army, Volcano, Typhoon, Hurricane, Tsunami, Locust Plague or wild animals hunting in packs in a region moved to safer ground and lived longer lives and had more offspring, thus this is why you are here today. So the chances of you considering the flight response when frustrated, angered or threatened are a factor of that genetic truth and evolutionary cycle. Therefore if you really feel like you would just really want to run away, that is perfectly natural and to over come that response to such stimuli you can only do that via brainpower. Think on this.

Lance Winslow

The Marketing of Affiliate Success: eBay - Ezine Advertising Coops

Introduction & Boilerplate

What does it take to successfully market a software product using only the Internet? This is the question I was faced with in January 2005. I had just completed development of my first software product and I was ready to conquer the world. I quickly realized that developing my software was just the first step.

As I began researching various marketing avenues I made the decision to share my marketing trials and tribulations with the world. This decision was driven in no small part by a discussion I had with a certain super-affiliate. There are tons of books about emarketing and some even provide real-world examples but wouldn't it be fun to actually come along for the ride? To learn as I learn? To see the real deal, blemishes and all? And so, this series was born.
Tip! Swap ads with other ezine publishers. Be specific when asking for your ad swap.

Each installment is this series will be posted on my website as well as on several of the more popular article directories, and will also be available via newsletter subscription. Each installment will focus on a specific marketing channel or approach. A few examples: marketing using ezine ad coops, marketing using Adwords, joint ventures, forum marketing, and website advertising, and niche newsletter advertising.
Tip! Swap ads with other ezine publishers.

The Marketing of Affiliate Success: eBay - ezine Advertising Coops

This first installment of this series is concerned with ezine advertising coops. At some point while searching for advertising opportunities I ran across a website that offered advertising within an ezine ad coop. The focus of the ad coop was home business related - a perfect fit for my product. My original plan was to do some focused ezine advertising but when I discovered I could have my ad placed in dozens of ezines I figured this would be a great deal. I must admit I was slightly suspicious when I noticed that they required me to subscribe to each newsletter but after another hour of research it was clear that all ezine ad coops had this requirement. Well, I thought, it does make sense that I should be a subscriber since then I will be able to verify that they actually run my ad.
Tip! Solo Ads - An exclusive mailing containing only of a single advertisement is sent out to all ezine subscribers. Solo Ads are most expensive as your ad is the only content of that entire mailing.

The Concept Behind the Ezine Advertising Coop

The general idea behind an ezine advertising cooperative depends on your perspective. For ezine publishers, membership in an advertising cooperative is a great way to build their newsletter membership. Remember, in order to run the ad I had to become a subscriber to a bunch of ezines. The more subscribers a newsletter has, the larger the potential financial return on marketing activity and these guys are all about marketing.

From the advertiser's perspective, the value proposition is that for a minimal cost the advertiser can get his message in front of hundreds of thousands or even millions of people. Ideally, the coop will be focused on a niche that the advertiser's product fits into but this doesn't always have to be the case. Bottom line - the cost per pair of eyeballs appears to be very, very low.
Tip! Keep an archive of back-issues on your website. People are more likely to subscribe to your Ezine if they can see a sample.

My Campaign Begins

The sum required was minor - around $30. Not a big deal considering my ad would run in dozens of ezines with a total combined readership of well over one million people. So, although I was suspicious of the subscribing requirement, I figured I couldn't lose on the deal. Look, I thought, if only one person purchases my software I have paid for the ad and put $70 in the bank (before taxes.) It seemed to be a very favorable value proposition.
Tip! Search the Web for Tips on the theme of your Ezine - include an 'Editor's Tip' in each issue.

So, in a great flurry of activity I created an ad, revised it, threw it out, and created another! I worked feverishly to perfect my ad. Night became day, day became night and finally, I was done. Here is what I ran -
Tip! Promote your ezine on every page of your site.

----------------> AD BEGINS

I Made $29,000 Last Year On Just One Of My Websites. So Can You! I will show you how you can make thousands of dollars on your website using my software and one of the leading affiliate programs on the net today. One guy calls my software "Adsense on Steroids!" without the Adsense! No website? Build a 27,000 page website instantly. http://www.shrubsoft.com/ase-ez1.php
Tip! Take control - limit your ezine subscriptions. 2.

----------------> AD ENDS

I will grant that it's a little cheesy but those $$ titles really pull clicks. My thinking was that since the ad cost was limited to my initial outlay, I could afford to pull all potential traffic - even unqualified traffic. My reasoning behind such a generic ad approach was that I felt it would be very challenging to pull any traffic if my ad referenced eBay Web Services and PHP. These words and concepts are alien to many people. I planned to use my sales letter to convert people with little technical sophistication. My approach and my ad copy was different when I entered the world of pay-per-click but that is the topic of another installment.
Tip! Submit your ezine to ezine directories.

Next, I went to the website that offered the ezine ad coop service, filled out the form, and PayPal transferred the cash to the owner of the coop. I quickly received a response from my new ad agency and it had some very interesting information contained within it. I had to subscribe myself to over a dozen of the ezines. But it wasn't simple. Yahoo Groups hosted one ezine, several required I send emails to listserv machines, and in several cases I had to go to websites and fill out a form.
Tip! Buy classified ads or sponsor ads for your publication in ezines that you are already subscribed to and enjoy reading.

Ezine Ad Coop Campaigns Are Hard Work

One hour later I was regretting my decision to forego the slightly more expensive option of advertising without the need to become a subscriber to all those newsletters, but that was only the beginning of my regrets. I next had to confirm my subscription to various newsletters - double opt-in and all that. One of the ezines actually had me wade through 15 pages of surveys and "would you be interested in this offer" pages before finally confirming my subscription. I then found that the ezine had been dormant for seven months!
Tip! Use your ezine to determine exactly what your customers want and then give it to them.

Finally, after confirming that I was successfully subscribed to all the ezines, I sat back and let out a sigh of relief. In the coming days about half of the ezine owners sent me notes informing me when my ad would run. The ad runs were spread across the next six weeks.
Tip! Swap 'thank you' page ads with other ezine publishers.

Am I The Advertiser?

With the ezine ad coop business behind me, I returned to my marketing research with the revised thought that if only two sales resulted from the goat rodeo I had experienced I would be satisfied. Within a few days the newsletters started arriving, and not just newsletters but plenty of highly valued and very important solo ads that were filled with text like this:
Tip! Trying to create an ezine or Newsletter. This idea is difficult one.

F.ree mo.ney for you. No effort required. Easiest MLM pro.gram ever!

They have to insert those periods or the SPAM filters will flag the messages every time. Why? Because the message is SPAM! Okay, I understand that SPAM filters are sensitive and sometimes you need to insert a period or two to lower the SPAM Assassin score of your broadcast message but these solo ads had a punctuation density so high that the messages approach being unreadable; I began to think I was reading Morse code.
Tip! Classified ads – This is the cheapest form of ezine advertising. Some publications offer free ads in exchange for your subscription.

For the uninitiated, a solo ad is an advertisement that is sent in a single email without other newsletter content to subscribers of a newsletter. Generally this would be considered SPAM but the subscriber agreement you accept for these types of ezines contain language stating that you agree to receive such communications. I like to call it opt-in SPAM.

It continued like that for six long weeks. They were easily six of the most painful weeks I have ever lived. It was interesting to note that many of the ezines were not delivered via email. The list owner would instead simply send a broadcast message informing me that the newsletter could be viewed on their website. Interesting thing though, the solo ads were delivered directly into *my* mailbox.
Tip! Use autoresponders to promote your ezine to your visitors. Make sample issues of your ezine available by autoresponder or use your autoresponders to create an archive of all your past issues.

eZine Advertising Coop Campaign Results

The result of my ezine advertising campaign was 89 referrals from various newsletters in the cooperative to my ezine destination URL. I know because I created a specific URL with redirection code so I could track the click-through performance of the campaign. While I have no way of tracking each individual source since some newsletters were delivered via email, I did know the aggregate results and 89 click-throughs was not the level of success I had expected. More importantly, 89 click-throughs and zero sales.

The campaign was an unmitigated disaster. Of course the deck was stacked against me from the start. I quickly noticed that 95% of the ezine publishers had dozens of ads in each newsletter issue. There was generally a top, middle, and bottom sponsor ad and these ads were generally demarcated very well and they probably received decent response too but they were for "their" advertisers. I generally found my ad near the bottom of their newsletters in a special section for the ad coop. In many cases, the newsletter belonged to multiple ad coops so there might be 40 ads and five coop sections in each issue! The slickest trick I found was the publisher that actually had a special edition of his newsletter filled with ads. Yes, filled with ads. Sure he also threw in a syndicated article that he grabbed from one of the article sites but it was rather clear that his normal readers ignored the "special edition" of his newsletter each week. I know I would. If Adsense has taught us anything it's that ads are most effective when they are integrated into the text on a page. These guys segregate ads so their subscribers don't need to bother ignoring them within the main body of their newsletters.
Tip! Once you've chosen a number of ezines that target your audience, subscribe to them and examine the ads closely. If you see an ad that keeps repeating issue after issue, you can be pretty sure that its getting results.

Worse though was the quality of many of the ezines. The only original authorship in some of these ezines was the editorial and by the time I made it two or three sentences into that it became obvious why! If you believe we live in the age of universal literacy you are wrong. It wasn't all bad though. Several of the newsletters actually provided some decent content but more often than not content came in the form of articles culled from the article sites. I don't have a problem with article sites but I expect a newsletter to provide significant original value.
Tip! Other Sponsor Ads - There might be other ads like Middle Sponsor or Bottom Sponsor Ads in the Ezine placed at conspicuous spots within the ezine.

Lessons Learned

I did learn some things though. I know that a HYIP (High Yield Investment Program) is a really cool way to turn $10 into $20. I found that I really needed an e-gold account if I wanted to achieve financial freedom. I learned that the government *doesn't* want me to know about the secret banking system, that my money was not at risk even though they didn't have FDIC insurance, and that I could truly take part in a risk-free investment that would double my money and pay me interest every single hour of the day. I learned that people apparently fall for this crap.

I learned that I could buy "make money at home" leads by the thousands, import them into my autoresponder, and then SPAM these leads. Apparently it's okay though because the nice folks on the list I have purchased filled out a survey and expressed an interest in making money from home. I learned that people just don't understand what double opt-in means.
Tip! Promote your ezine in your signature file. Use your signature file in your emails to your visitors and clients that email you with their questions and also in your posts to moderated discussion lists and forums.

But most important of all, I learned that ezine ad coops exist for one reason only - to dupe people into joining a bunch of marginal ezines so they can market their crap to you. I discovered that the insult is that much more powerful because I gave them $30 for the privilege of being assaulted day after day with SPAM in the form of solo ads and substandard newsletter content. I suppose if you need to market your new HYIP, sell some red hot "work at home" leads, or push your latest get-rich-quick scheme you will find kindred souls in some of the ezine ad cooperatives operating today but if you need to market a legitimate, quality product you should look elsewhere.
Tip! Small ezines vs. Big ezines: bigger is not always better.

Final Conclusion

If you want to advertise in ezines, locate ezines in your niche, subscribe, and once you are sure that they publish to high standards, toss them a couple of bucks. Ask the publisher what his subscriber count is. Inquire as to click-through rates on previous ads. You also need to insure you know where your ad will be published within the newsletter and when it will be published.
Tip! Email it to ezine publishers with a short covering letter.

Don't bother with ezine ad coops especially when their home page feels like a trip back to 1999.

Rest assured, most installments in this article series will be informative *and* upbeat. This ezine ad coop episode represents an ugly departure from what is generally proving to be an exciting, profitable, and informative learning experience. And please don't misunderstand my message. I obviously did not work with *every* ezine ad coop so I can't with conviction say that they all operate in this way or that they are all comprised of solo ad slinging, no original content newsletters.
Tip! Bribe. If your ezine blooper is threatening to send readers and advertisers packing, offer enticing perks to make up for the mistake.

BW Griggs is a software developer and active affiliate. He is the author of Affiliate Success: eBay, a nifty piece of software that takes advantage of eBay Web Services.

Learn more about Affiliate Success: eBay here: ebay affiliate solution

Read new articles in this series here: internet marketing series

MLM Leads - How to Create an Endless Supply of Free Leads With Your Own Ezine

A common MLM pitfall that many networkers fall into that contributes to failure is not having enough leads to contact and show the business. If you're not talking to prospects then your business is shut - how long would you remain in a traditional business if your front door wasn't open for customers?

Does this sound like you? You signed up and got together with your sponsor to create your ‘golden' list of warm market friends, family and acquaintances.

You've burnt off your list because you either approached them with the business opportunity first or didn't have the guts to approach them in the first place, so now what do you do?

I'm always asked and see it all the time in discussion forums, "How do I market my business online".

Seriously, have any of these MLM marketing blunders ever worked for you and YOUR group (remember everything duplicates after its own kind):

1. Hanging around forums all day chatting away with your MLM friends, hoping they'll fall in love with the idea they need yet another business to fail in.

2. Striking up conversations with folks on AIM, ICQ, or Yahoo messenger. Talk about a slow boat to China!

3. Spamming folks by the thousand with your web address thinking they'll be ‘knocked over' by your ‘cookie cutter' web site that everyone already has been spamming the same folks with.

And the story goes on….

If you use some common sense thinking by looking at what the successful folks in traditional marketing and MLM are doing you'll notice it's none of the above. Online the quickest, most effective free way to create a list of 10,000+ prospects is to create your own ezine or newsletter.

Nothing new and you probably already knew this? A newsletter is so important because it creates a relationship with your audience of subscribers and allows you to keep in contact with them. Remember this: People do business with those they like, know and trust.
Tip! Promote your ezine in your signature file. Use your signature file in your emails to your visitors and clients that email you with their questions and also in your posts to moderated discussion lists and forums.

A newsletter will allow you to talk with 10,000+ people at the click of a button - just imagine that. You simply can't do this any other way online legally free.

You can not only recruit people into your business, but sell more related products your target market need and will purchase. Think multiple streams of income.

Hey dummy, but what do I write about? There is lots of information on the internet that you can put into your newsletter, which is freely available to publish. You can subscribe to a number of companies/authors newsletters put out on general issues about health, exercise, about diet and so on. When you subscribe a lot of the articles aren't copyrighted so you can use until you can write your own articles.
Tip! Involve your subscribers in your ezine by asking them to send in their profiles, tips and advice, or by asking them to send in their articles for publication in your ezine.

The most important thing to remember is this:" You don't have to get it right you just have to get it going."

Jason Clark shows network-marketing professionals how to build happy, productive, moneymaking, and duplicating downlines! Get his FREE Training ezine MLM Profit Talk:
Tip! Swap ads with other ezine publishers.

http://www.BeAMLMHeavyHitter.com/mlm-ezine.htm

"Have a web site, blog or newsletter? Feel free to use this article to add valuable content for your business. I only ask the author BYLINE stay inact and unchanged."

The Hot Metal Ezine: A Global Ezine For Hobby Workers

Hobby metal casting can be a rewarding metal craft hobby, would you like to learn more about the craft? Anyone interested in working with metals can join in with many other like-minded people and subscribe to this specialised ezine.

The ezine is an Australian publication,and it is written by a practising hobby metal caster from Australia. The ezine is published monthly, and is emailed to subscribers. It has articles of interest about hobby metal casting.

The ezine is an ideal starting point for the novice, who wants to dip the toe in the water, to learn just a little more about melting and pouring metal.

Every now and again we run a profile on someone who has some interesting projects and ideas to share, this is just another way of learning about metal casting.

The beauty of the ezine is that it wont cost you a penny to join, it only takes a minute to subscribe and you are free to unsubscribe at any time.
Tip! Save in advertising costs by running an ezine that is engaging, and that is sought out.

The hot metal ezine has been published for a period just over two years, many of the first time list subscribers are still with us, so they must be still enjoying the articles and features.

So what exactly would the novice gain from being a subscriber?
Tip! Email it to ezine publishers with a short covering letter.

The biggest benefit is the large amount of info articles available from back issues, there are all kinds of reference articles to read and learn from, stuff you would never get to hear or read about. I.e. How to go about making a homemade refractory brew, Or how to make up a batch of green sand, or where to source a special product for foundry work, plus lots more.

If you are interested in hobby metal casting and would like to find out more about the hobby, then visit our web site soon.

Col Croucher.

Metal craft has been a lifelong interest, ever since my grandfather introduced me to the blacksmiths forge at a young age on the family farm where I grew up. Several decades later, I become addicted to melting and pouring molten metal into sand moulds. Then began the move into publishing ebooks for the hobby foundry worker. We now have a large number of customers all around the globe. It's been a lot of fun. You can visit our Web site: http://www.myhomefoundry.com to subscribe to the ezine and download a free ebook.

How to Keep Your Ezine from Being Spam Assassinated

I'm a huge fan of SpamAssassin. I have many websites and all of my servers use it. It cuts out about 80% of the crap heading to my inbox. And while I do lose a few newsletters, it's worth it.

The problem is too many indie businesses just don't get it. They think flashy is the way to go, but more and more people realize as spam becomes ever more rampant that if you want to contact your fans, you need to make your newsletters accessbile first, flashy second.

How do you do that?

Start by doing away with HTML in emails.

That's right. Ditch it. It's useless. I know one music biz website that actually sends out HTML messages with graphics and all. And every edition gets SpamAssassinated. HTML emails are marketing heaven. A marketer can track which emails are opened and which not. They include javascript and cookies, and of course, HTML is easy to slip a virus into.
Tip! You can easily determine what your customers want by opening up a two-way dialogue through your ezine.

So stop using HTML newsletters. Remember the point of fan newsletters is communication. If you don't effectively communicate with your fan base, then you're wasting your time.

How do you know if your newsletter is being Spam Assassinated?

For the past year or so I've been using SiteBuildIt to optimize my websites for the search engines. SiteBuildIt is program designed to help you build a webpage that Effectively sells your product while helping you to top the search engines.

Warning: It's expensive. We're talking $299 a year. And yes, it's worth every penny. SiteBuildIt offers some incredible services, but I DON'T suggest you head over there and purchase the program.

Instead, join their affiliate program. You will find out about ALL the great services they offer, like their SpamChecker, and find out IF it's right for you.

Here's how it works:

1. Open a new email and send it to bard-spamcheck@sitesell.net 2. Insert your newsletter into the body of the email. Email it and wait. 3. The SpamChecker will send you an email that will tell you how likely your zine will be SpamAssassinated and how to fix problems BEFORE they happen.
Tip! Once you've chosen a number of ezines that target your audience, subscribe to them and examine the ads closely. If you see an ad that keeps repeating issue after issue, you can be pretty sure that its getting results.

Now that's a great service! And one of many SiteBuildIt offers. Find out more about SiteBuildIt here.

If you're looking for some web hosts offering SpamAssassin, check out my web hosting reviews.

Bard Marc Gunn of the Brobdingnagian Bards has helped 1000's of musicians make money with their musical groups through the Bards Crier Music Marketing and Promotion Ezine and the Texas Musicians' Texas Music Biz Tips. Now you can get personal advice by visiting http://www.bardscrier.com for FREE "how-to" music marketing assistance.

No time to visit the site? Subscribe to the BardsCrier.com distributed weekly for Free. Just email subscribe@bardscrier.com

The Sad Truth About the Most Viewed Ezine Articles

Having written a number of humorous and political ezine articles to kind of get my feet wet in this new frontier, I decided to see what other subjects are most often viewed. I'm inquisitive that way; besides, it might give me a hint as to what to write about if I want to inflate "my articles report" numbers in a shallow hope to pump up my deflated ego. So I did a search in Ezine for "most viewed". Aha! A list called "The Top 30 Most Viewed Articles" came flying back before I could say, "The Iraq War"—my obvious choice for top subject followed closely by "abortion", "same sex marriage", and "Angelina and Brad".

All I can say is boy was I ever wrong.

If you want your articles to be read by the tens of thousands, in fact hundreds of thousands, you better know something about hair. Now if you are like me, you probably know little more about hair other than it grows if watered; not exactly enough to be an expert. But if you want to learn about hair so you can write about it with authority, skip the stuff on the top of your head, you want to jam all you can muster into that noggin of yours about the hair south of the border. That's right! You want to educate yourself on female pubic hair, especially about those wily ingrown wascals.
Tip! Other Sponsor Ads - There might be other ads like Middle Sponsor or Bottom Sponsor Ads in the Ezine placed at conspicuous spots within the ezine.

Here's why!

Fifteen out of top thirty articles are about hair: prom hair, men's hair, Japanese hair, hair extensions, hot styles, long styles, blah-blah-blah. And out of the blah-blah-blah, six are specifically about female private hair maintenance and all its dastardly consequences. In other words, 20% of the thirty top viewed Ezine articles are about the science of removing female foliage. To make matters more interesting, all six articles are written by one author, I'm assuming a guy (first name Mike), who apparently woke up on August 4th, 2004 and had an epiphany about women's pubic hair, submitting his half dozen articles on its removal and every possible resulting issue: waxing, shaving, razor burn, prevention tips, popping tips, you name it.
Tip! Bribe. If your ezine blooper is threatening to send readers and advertisers packing, offer enticing perks to make up for the mistake.

I want to say right now, God I had no idea!

Now, there are fifteen other articles that show no particular pattern of subject matter but nevertheless give me some hope. Skipping the obvious self-serving commercials for products to buy, the rest are pretty mainstream; you know, more like what one would expect: how to build a chopper, flipping houses, history of tattoos, history of body piercing, nude photography, how to make semen taste better, the usual stuff. I'm thinking one of those subjects is kind of exciting and might have potential for related research. My personal favorite though, which currently holds 20th place, reveals little known secrets to being invited as a guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show, something I long for.

But I can't get this pubic thing out of my head; this apparent self-inflicted scourge sweeping our female population. And I thought the Bird Flu was nasty! Can't you just trim down there with some scissors for CHRISSAKE and call it a day? Why oh why are you torturing yourselves so? Is it all that thong pressure from us lame-ass guys that's pushing women to such masochistic measures? If it is, I for one say enough is enough! Holy mackerels, I apologize already!
Tip! Top Sponsor Ads - These ads are generally placed on the top of the Ezine and has a very good response from the subscribers. It is also priced higher than the other ads.

Oh well, I'm left sitting here, my heart palpitating, pondering if maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree with this notion to be a popular writer—if it means writing about ingrown pubic hair problems that is. And barring any sudden shift back to those god awful bathing suits from the Twenties or unseemly panty lines, it is unlikely this epidemic will end anytime soon, leaving this writing stuff to males and hair salon types who continue to have a prurient vested interest in all this.

Hmm … maybe I'm better off inventing better tweezers because apparently a great tweezer in the hand is worth more than two lousy ones in the bush, so to speak.
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This article was written by humorist Robert Crane. If you found it thought provoking or just plain idiotic, visit his popular website at http://www.cranelegs.com for a lot more!